you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
