Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
