That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
