when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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