dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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