walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
