y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Randomize
