i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
