Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
