my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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