Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
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