We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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