does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
