i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
