why didn't you poke me back
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize