Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
this hospital has no fireball
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
