Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
