omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
