I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
