my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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