I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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