even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
