Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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