I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
