we have officially lost it.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize