Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
