i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
