On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
