Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
