don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
