take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
