You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
