the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
