I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
