She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
