the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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