WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i just had sex bonerless
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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