he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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