2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
we're chasing vodka with high fives
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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