you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
