The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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