How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
