I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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