so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize