I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
