She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
