Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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