she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
