and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
