You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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