Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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