told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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