Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
