Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
