ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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