They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize