my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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