Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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