As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
