Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
