I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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